Mambo Number 5
by Mangochu
Summary: Sonfic to Mambo Number 5 by Lou Bega!


**Author's Note: Hey everybody! Sorry I haven't uploaded a lot lately xD I forgot my password, and school's been in the way xD TT^TT**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little song fic. I heard this song a while back and Barney waqs the first thing to enter my mind xD I didn't get around to writing it until a few weeks later though, which is today xD**

**I promise that I'll update my other stories soon! ;u;**

**The song is: Mambo Number 5 by Lou Bega**

* * *

_One, two, three, four, five_  
_Everybody in the car, so come on let's ride_  
_To the liquor store around the corner_  
_The boys say they want some gin and juice_  
_But I really don't wanna_

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. The five weekdays had flown by, bringing the weekend to the gang and all of New York. Barney walked onto the street, and Italian suit and a fine _ his chosen outfit for the day. He raised his hand to flag a taxi over, cracking a grin as the window of a black taxi went down. "Hello!" greeted Ranjit, their taxi driver which they seemed to run into all the time. The gang didn't mind him though, Hell, they'd even gotten drinks with him before! Barney greeted him as he ducked into the cab, closing the door.

"MacLarens, please," Barney said, smiling as he lay back against the seat, his hand reaching out to the seat belt buckling himself up. The ride was quick, and Barney handed Ranjit the fare, plus a tip as he exited the cab, flashing a grin and thanking him. He quickly turned and headed down the steps, turning and entering the bar, where the rest of the gang was already seated at the booth. Marshall had a Gin in his hand, and Lily, pregnant; was drinking some juice, was looking at him nervously. After all, Gin was the drink that seemed to fuel anger. He looked at the Gin for a moment, before shaking his head. He still wasn't about to change his usual drink.

_Beer bust, like I had last week_  
_I must stay deep, 'cause talk is cheap_  
_I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita_  
_And as I continue you know they're getting sweeter_

Ted and Robin both held a beer, which brought shivers to Barney. He remembered last week, when they had made Barney, who had lost a bet, try every single type of beer on the menu. It had been terrible! There was nothing legendary about it! Before that, he had wondered why alcohol was called poison by some. Now, he understood. God some of those drinks had tasted horrible! Shivering lightly, he walked up to the bar. "Scotch please," he said to Carl, who smiled and turned to get the requested drink. As Carl busied himself, Barney's eyes were drawn to four chicks sitting at a booth at the back of the pub. A blonde, a redhead, and two brunettes. His eyes went down to what was going to be their drinks, stopping briefly at their boobs, which made him smile wickedly. Finally, after a detour to the drinks, he looked down, spotting the gin, beer, and tequila and smirking. Four hot, drunk chics? Maybe he could finally get a foursome..

_So what can I do? I really beg you, my Lord_  
_To me flirting is just like a sport_  
_Anything fly, it's all good let me dump it_  
_Please set in the trumpet_

He turned to Carl to grab his Scotch, flashing him a distracted grin and waving off the bartender, his eyes stuck on the four hotties. Straightening his tie, his walked over to them, glancing up at the sky as he did so. He stopped at their table, resting his elbows against the wood and looking at them all. They all had their drunken attention on him now, and Barney smirked. "Daddy's home," he said, and they all burst out giggling He chuckled. "How would you lovely ladies like to crash at my place tonight, we could play some games, if you want," he suggested, winking, which sent them into another fit of drunken giggles. They stood up, stumbling and obviously tipsy. Barney allowed them to surround him and he led them to the bar's exit, turning to his friends and grinning widely with a wink. They all stared at him in disgust and amazement, before he left with the four girls.

_A little bit of Monica in my life_

It hadn't turned out to be a foursome, much to his dismay. The blonde had actually been the only one with him when he got to his apartment. The other three.. well.. things had come up. He sat down with the Blondie though, still content with her. He learned her name was Monica.

He also found out that she was engaged. He wore bruises on his face for the next two weeks after that incident.

_A little bit of Erica by my side_

Back at the bar after the Monica incident, all his friends did were fuss. He waved them off as he saw a redhead in the corner booth, the same as before. Same booth and girl, actually. He chuckled and got up in the middle of Lily's lecture, ditching them and walking to the girl, sliding into the booth beside her and beginning a casual chat. Within a half hour he had the girl beyond drunk, to the point where the object known as a brain seems to have been chopped up and sneezed out. Mid-conversation, the girl had begun to make out with him, starting to strip. Eyes were on them, and Barney had quickly picked the girl up and carried her to the bathroom.

He learned her name when Monica rushed in mid sex, hearing about Barney being back here. God, that had not ended well. Actually, it had ended in him having to get his clothes back on and run the hell out of the place. Well, attempt to. Instead he had been flipped into a table by Monica's fiance, and beaten senseless. He was glad for tazers. And cops. And hospitals.

He learned that Erica and Monica were sisters. When he discovered this, the wounds suddenly hurt less.

_A little bit of Rita is all I need_

Rita.. sympathy sex was what he had with her. It was the one with the least painful ending so far. Well.. he thought it would be. It turns out that Rita's ex wanted her back and discovered them at the bar the next day, chatting. Barney got a good punch from that, and he lost the girl.

God, what was wrong with him this week?

_A little bit of Tina is what I see_

An old friend from high school . Actually, a rival you might say. Barney had been the nerd of the class, the male one at least. Tina had been the female one. They both got along so well, but had been competitive beyond belief. She had been Barney's first crush, but had moved away in grade 11 due to a family incident across the border in Canada. He'd never admit it, but it was partially, well; mostly why he hated the country so much. Stupid maple tree.

She had called him up, after searching for his number. They met up instantly at a strip club downtown, and Barney was pleased to see that she had turned out similar to him. Porn, sex, scotch, everything! They went at it twice in three hours. The next day, their wake up call had been a call from Tina's mom. Her other uncle had been hit by a maple tree, and she had to leave at once. God, how Barney wanted to burn maple trees!

_A little bit of Sandra in the sun_

Ahh.. The beach, a perfect place to pick up chics! Wearing a tank and shorts, a different choice then his usual attire. Almost instantly, the second the burning hot sand touched his bare feet, he had caught sight of hottest thing on the beach, and briefly wondered if perhaps she was the god of the sun or something. He had walked over, played it cool, and had told her that he was in CPR training, a lifeguard to be. She bought it, and as he 'practiced' on her, the heat suddenly got more intense and he swore her was going to melt.

He got kicked off of the beach for public sex, but it was worth it.

_A little bit of Mary all night long_

He had met Mary in Atlantic city, a gambling-crazed chic. She had lost to him in a fairly intense game of poker. She had lost a lot of money, and, well; proceeded to attack Barney. Luckily, Barney always knew how to turns things around.

And a bunch of other ways.

_A little bit of Jessica here I am_

For once, he isn't too proud of how he picked up a girl.

-Is probably what Ted would write if he wrote a story about Barney. Which would be creepy as hell.

This girl was.. well.. He had found her on the subway, passed out from a drunken state. What had he done? Taken her home, which was surprisingly easy. Apparently this had, sadly, become normal on the subway. What did he do next? Stripped naked and woken her up. What did she do next? Well, in her drunken state of mind and her half-awake stage. What she did next was do Barney.

Sadly, she became sober during the middle of it all, and Barney ended up being slapped almost as hard as Marshall could slap him- mid sex.

It was a real slap in the face.

_A little bit of you makes me your man_

She was still the only one for him.

**Mambo No. 5!**

_Jump up and down and move it all around_  
_Shake your head to the sound_  
_Put your hands on the ground_

Admittedly, all of them were amazing in their own special way. That was for sure. He would have hit a Perfect Week for the second time ever if it hadn't been for Sandra. Why? Pfff,...please.

There was still only one for him, though.

_Take one step left and one step right_  
_One to the front and one to the side_  
_Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice_  
_And if it looks like this then you're doing it right_

He sat in his apartment, seven tapes cradled in his lap and one sitting beside him. He smirked, he always got video, whether in public or not. Now to have some memories..

_A little bit of Monica in my life_

Decent sex.

_A little bit of Erica by my side_

Instant sex.

_A little bit of Rita is all I need_

Sympathy sex.

_A little bit of Tina is what I see_

I-Hate-Canada-Even-More-Now Sex.

_A little bit of Sandra in the sun_

Hot sex.

_A little bit of Mary all night long_

Not-just-a-gambling-addiction sex.

_A little bit of Jessica here I am_

Great sex.

_A little bit of you makes me your man_

Still the best sex he'd ever had.

**Trumpet!**  
**The trumpet!**  
**Mambo No. 5!**

_A little bit of Monica in my life_

Engaged, with a pissed Fiance.

_A little bit of Erica by my side_

A really pissed sister's fiance.

_A little bit of Rita is all I need_

Pissed ex? He still didn't know why she had went with him.

_A little bit of Tina is what I see_

Maple trees were now the bane of his existence.

_A little bit of Sandra in the sun_

Being naked in that high of a UV ray level gives you sunburns in places you'd never want them.

_A little bit of Mary all night long_

She robbed him.

_A little bit of Jessica here I am_

Why did everybody love to slap him?!

_A little bit of you makes me your man_

He could take anything she threw at him.

_I do all I do_  
_To fall in love with a girl like you_  
_You can't run and you can't hide_  
_You and me gonna touch the sky_

He always knew that she had been the one for him. He realized it when he had been hit by a bus, he had confessed it to Lily. So many things had happened between them, both good and bad. It made him want- no, need her even more. He would never run from her, he'd always be by her side. He'd die for her.

Robin Scherbatsky was the only one for him.

**Mambo No. 5!**


End file.
